Faith

I am loving this story from Matthew today and wanted to share.

A woman came pleading, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! For my daughter is possessed by a demon that torments her severely. But Jesus gave her no reply, not even a word. Then his disciples urged him to send her away. “Tell her to go away,” they said. “She is bothering us with all her begging.” Then Jesus said to the woman, “I was sent only to help God’s lost sheep—the people of Israel.” But she came and worshiped him, pleading again, “Lord, help me!”...... “Dear woman,” Jesus said to her, “your faith is great. Your request is granted.” And her daughter was instantly healed.

Matt 15:21-28

This story reminds me of these verses:

James 5:16- the prayer of a person right with God is powerful and effective

Matt 7:7-8 Ask and it shall be given to you...for everyone who asks receives

Matt 17:26 you have faith as small as a mustard seed...nothing will be impossible for you

And the story of the persistent widow: (one of my favs!) 

Luke 18:6-8 And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

The original language definition of "Faith" in Matthew 15 from the story about the woman begging for Jesus to heal her daughter is: 

a strong and welcome conviction or belief that Jesus is the Messiah, through whom we obtain eternal salvation in the kingdom of God.., the predominate idea of trust (or confidence) whether in God or in Christ, springing from faith in the same

the character of one who can be relied on (from studylight.org)

I love the part of this definition that says, "the character of someone who can be relied on." I don't know about you, but I am begging The Lord these days for some pretty significant things. It is comforting to know that He hears my persistent prayers and is in the business of answering the prayers of His people. I know that even if He decides not to grant my requests, I can trust Him. His character, His will, the sum of His decisions for my life can be relied on. This doesn't deter me from asking but puts my heart at a place of peace as I realize no matter what happens it is for my good and God's ultimate glory. (Rom 8:28)

"Be Joyful Always, Pray Continually, Give Thanks in All Circumstances..." 1 Thes 5:16

Today is baby Apple's due date. The baby who went to be with Jesus in January. It has been somewhat of a harder day than I expected. I know every person deals and grieves differently and that I am pregnant and the hormones are raging. :)

I also realize the assumption would be "Well your pregnant again and everything's fine so why would today be such a big deal." I wish that was how it worked but it doesn't work that way for me. I am the type that doesn't like to just make myself busy not to think about things (which is fine but just isn't me), I like to deal and process and then I feel much better. I'm just not a stuffer in the sense of grieving.

I think someone said it well to me once. They said, "Yes, you will have more baby's but it will never be that baby." And that's just how I feel about it. I was only about 10 weeks when I found out baby Apple had gone to be with Jesus but I had already loved that baby, prayed hard for that baby, made plans for that baby and longed to hold him/her. That baby was special to me, it was my child and I will not be able to have those experiences with baby Apple.

I realize this (miscarriage) happens to many people every single day, unfortunately, but that doesn't negate the fact that a baby was lost and that it hurts to lose a baby.

All of that said, I have spent today trying to meditate on two passages of scriptures. The first one is a passage that was mentioned in a bible study that I attended last night (good timing!) It's 1 Thessalonians 5:16, it says, "Be Joyful Always, Pray Continually, and Give Thanks in all circumstances." After spending the morning being kinda down, I went to Sonic :) and then took the girls to the park and sat as they played and prayed about many things but part of that time I spent thanking God for my girls. (I wish I would have taken a picture because it was a dress yourself day and they looked hilarious.) They are such precious blessings and I am so thankful for them. I also spent some time thanking God for the sweet little healthy baby in my belly. I couldn't be more thankful for the ultrasound yesterday and it showing that he looks so healthy! As I was sitting on my park bench I thought to myself, it is only by the grace of God that I can thank Him. Everything in my half melancholy self wants to wallow but by His strength I am able to be joyful, pray, and thank Him.

The second verse I have been meditating on is James 1:2-4, "Consider it all
joy when you face trials of various kinds. I felt The Lord say today: "Consider it Joy Ashley that you are continuing to grieve the loss of this sweet baby because even this trial is developing perseverance if you'll let it, if you'll lean on me, trusting me to show you myself through this, and watching for me to work even this for your good."

Tonight we are going to let some balloons fly to heaven for baby Apple. I had the chance today to talk to the girls about heaven. Annabelle remembers baby Apple and asked if Jesus was going to sing her happy birthday and then she changed her mind and decided Jesus doesn't sing happy birthday; He must know way better songs she said. It was all too cute. I explained to them that mommy really wanted to keep baby Apple here on earth but that Jesus always knows what's best and we have to trust Him. Even this was another chance God gave me to be thankful. I feel like my kids really understand concepts about Jesus more when they are practical instead of me telling them a story, so I am thankful to be able to teach them about Jesus through this experience.

I decided that before we let off the balloons tonight that we will say a prayer for two of my friends who have had a miscarriage recently and a couple friends who lost babies full term over a year ago. I plan on using names to God in this time because I believe my God likes specifics. If you or someone you know would like to be prayed for tonight just shoot me an e-mail. I would happy to pray by name for them.

Hopefully, Ill be able to blog about my current pregnancy soon. I haven't down very well documenting this time! Until then...

We walk by faith and not by sight.. 2 Cor 5:7

Four years ago if you told me I would be living in Memphis, Tennessee I probably would have laughed out loud at you. Maybe not but at least I would have thought in my mind (with a smile on my face, of course) you were lying and maybe crazy.

To be honest, the very last place Adam and I ever thought we would end up was back in Memphis. When we moved to Marysville, we believed we would be there for the rest of our lives. My vision for my life as always been to move away to do some sort of mission work. It's not that I don't like Memphis or being with my friends and family; it was just not on my plan for my life. God is constantly surprising me with HIS plans for my life.

And so we are here, in Memphis. We have been here for almost two months, more certain than almost anything in our lives that He called us by His word out of Ohio and provided us with a wonderful place to live and have a respite.

And here "we walk by faith and not by sight." And we rest in what we know God has called us to do and we wait.

I love what Katie Davis says in her book: "I must be faithful only to what God has called me to, even if earthly tangible results or successes are not seen."

The past two days The Lord has given me me some glimpses as to blessings He wants to give to us during our time in Memphis however long it is.

Last night, my dad, Anita, me and the girls were just sitting around the table while Adam was off playing music for a youth group and it hit me that in Ohio I was always alone with the girls. I didn't have a table full of people who all loved each other sitting around laughing and carrying on while Adam was gone.

And today, today me and the girls went to visit my grandparents and my heart just almost exploded with joy. I thought about the times we went to visit the nursing home in Ohio and how today we got to go and visit with "our own" old people. What an amazing blessing to be able to spend time with my elderly grandparents. I have no idea how many more times me and my girls will be able to visit them.

During this crazy time where my flesh so desperately wants to cry, "Why?!" "What the heck?" and "How much longer?!" I will stop and remember that my God wants to shower me with blessings during this transition time. Its how He works. I will choose to be thankful for the blessings and will cry out with my whole heart : "We walk by faith and not by sight" because we know that "without faith it's impossible to please God!"

Thankful Tuesday

Well, it's Thankful Tuesday! Here goes: I am thankful to my Sovereign God for:

 1) The last days we were able to spend in our home in Ohio...

making valentine's instead of packing :)

 2) I am thankful that I do not have to worry.... God's got it....all of it....

 3) that the Lord does fight for us and that He constantly reminds me of scripture that means so much to my heart during this time.

 4) I am thankful to Him that I absolutely know the promises He gives me in His word and that I know He will be faithful to them.

 5) I am thankful to God for hearing my cries for mercy

 6) and for healing my little girl from strep last week.

 7) I am thankful for the time we have spent with family

 8) And that His mercies are new every single morning. Great is His faithfulness!!

 9) I am thankful that He is absolutely enough, and oh so satisfying.

 10) I am thankful to Him that He is literally with us in our grief, walking with me, holding my hand, bottling my tears, and weeping with me.

 11) I am oh so thankful for hope in Him.

 12) I am thankful for time to play outside...

 13) And that He is sovereign still...

14) I am thankful that I do not have to fear evil because the God I serve is not only so much stronger but will overcome. 

 15) I am thankful to God that He is ready to lavish unfailing love to those who love Him..

 16) And is my refuge and strength. "The God of Angel Armies is always by my side..." ~Chris Tomlin :)

 17) I am thankful for time to make cookies and hang out with my girlies

18) I am so thankful to Him that He always leads me along the best possible path.

 l

19) And I am thankful for pliets

 20) and sweet pigtails.

21) I am thankful that I know one day I know God will wipe every tear from my eyes, there will be no more death, no more sorrow, and I will get to spend an eternity with Him. 

I am thankful...

{All books not quoted are written by Sarah Young}

Pregnancy Update and "Sovereign" by Chris Tomlin

Today, I found out I lost my baby....
I had a sinking feeling about the whole thing all day and my appointment wasn't until 1:45. I kept telling myself my feeling was fear, fear after all we have been though with the ectopic and this baby not being ok, then miraculously fighting back with a strong heartbeat that I would naturally feel a sense of fear. I prayed and prayed but couldn't shake the "pit in my stomach" feeling. Yesterday, I told someone we were having a baby in August and as the words came out of my mouth I felt like I knew it wasn't going to happen. Today, I went to write on my calender when I would be 13 weeks pregnant or "in the clear" and I couldn't do it. I know my God prepared my heart for 2:15 when I would hear the news that there was no heartbeat. He is so good to me in that way.

Today, I should be 9 weeks and 3 days, the baby measured 8 weeks and 3 days....

I don't really know what to say except that I know my God is good and does only good. (ps 119) I know He is absolutely Sovereign (Col 1:16-18), works ALL things out for our good and His glory (Rom 8:28), and that He has good plans for us (Jer 29:11). I know He desires to do immeasurably more through my life and that somehow this is part of that immeasurably more (Eph 3:20) that I realize I may never understand on this side of heaven, but I will accept because I know my God loves me passionalty, infinitely, as far more than I can even comprehend (Ps 103:11, Ps 86:15). I am thankful to God that He is always with me, always faithful, and knows how the pieces of my life fit together best to most glorify Him.

I have a DNC scheduled for Wednesday morning and I would really appreciate your prayers.

I wanted to post the lyrics from an awesome song called "Sovereign" by Chris Tomlin. It's on his new CD Burning Lights. It is just perfect right now.


Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
In my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arm
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

Sovereign in the mountain
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

God whatever comes my way
I will trust you




 

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, BLESSED (praised and magnified) BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!!! Job 1:21

Pregnancy Update

I have been meaning to post about the pregnancy/miscarriage. I meant to write about it on Thankful Tuesday this week but we had company and I never got to blogging while they were here (we were having too much fun!)

So, the timeline of events so far:

December 4- I feel pregnant, take a pregnancy test and it is POSITIVE

December 5- I have my blood taken to monitor levels because of my previous ectopic pregnancy 

December 7- I have my blood taken again to make sure the HcG levels are rising

December 9- I get a call that the levels are going down and I need to come in for an emergency ultrasound to make sure I am not experiencing another ectopic

Ultrasound shows baby is in the uterus and there is a cyst on my ovary, baby looks ok.

I have my blood taken again.

December 10- I get a call that the levels are going down even further and that I will miscarry.

I am offered a drug to induce a miscarriage, I do not take it.

I am told to wait a week and see if I pass the baby and I will have a follow up ultrasound on Monday the 17th.

Decemeber 9-15- I start experiencing this awful back pain. I call the doctor all week to make sure all was ok with all the back pain I was experiencing because I still wasn't miscarrying as far as I knew.

December 15- I am offered the abortion drug again to induce a miscarriage. I decline.

December 16- I go to the ER because of the back pain. The determine that I have a cyst that is causing the pain and THAT MY BABY NOW HAS A HEARTBEAT.

The heartbeat is slow 110 beats per minute so they still believe I will miscarry.

December 17- I have an appointment with my OBGYN and she performs an ultrasound. My baby still has a heart beat and it has gotten a little faster 120 bpm.

For the first time, my doctor tells me that she is hopeful.

She believes all the back pain is muscle related and puts me on muscle relaxers.

I have my blood taken again and they determine that my progesterone is low and I need to take a progesterone supplement to support the pregnancy.




Whew. I wanted to write that out for me but even I didn't realize how crazy things have really been. My next appointment with my OB is December 26th. She asked me if I wanted to know my hormone levels again and I said no. If they aren't doing what they are "supposed to" I didn't want to freak out mentally.

Today I am seven weeks pregnant. This isn't at all how I thought I would find out or tell everyone I was pregnant but then once again God is using this to remind me that He controls all things and that I don't. Why do I need that reminder so often!

When we heard the sweet little baby's heartbeat on the 16th in the ER everything changed for Adam and I. Before, I guess I felt like I was waiting on a baby that had already died to pass but when we heard that heartbeat I knew we had to fight for this little life. I have been praying for the Lord to sustain this life if it be His will and that He would make this baby strong.

And so we continue to wait.....only with hope. I know that God has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11) and that He has my life and this little one's life in His hands. I know that HE has fearfully and wonderfully begun to form this baby in my womb (Psalm 139) and that all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. (Col 1)

We covet your prayers right now for this little baby. I pray He gives me the strength to trust Him no matter what happens. We are utterly hopeless without Him.

Thankful Tuesday

Today is Thankful Tuesday. Well, today has been rough, I'll just be honest. I'll just spit it out because it's too hard in too many ways to explain but I found out I am having a miscarriage. We found out we were pregnant and we were so excited that we were going to be able to tell our family for Christmas but things just aren't right. I spent the afternoon in the doctor's office yesterday finding out the details of this awful situation. The saddest part is that I most likely will just have to pass the baby on my own. The hormone levels are saying things are not right and will not be right but the baby is still alive .... and so we wait.... with the doctors saying "do not hold on to any hope."

I cannot begin to explain all my thoughts. I am sad. The day before yesterday (before I knew things weren't ok) I had the verse from Job in my head "Though He slay me, yet I will hope in Him." Job 13:15 and when I found out the news my soul screamed that verse at the top of its lungs. I do hope in Him, trust Him, believe Him, and know that He is sovereign.

In Romans 5 it says, "Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance. And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation. Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.

My hope is in Christ, in His word, in the fact this this life is not all there is and that every single thing, every suffering in this life has a purpose. My hope is in my Savior. The one who knows, sees, and understands all and can and will work all things together for my good and His glory. 

^"If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people we are most to be pitied.^" 1 Corinthians 15:9    

but if we have the hope of Christ and eternal salvation and we end up in eternity with Christ in heaven we are most to be envied.

Today, I am thankful for HOPE. But, not just hope, I am thankful for the good things that God has given to me. For every good and perfect thing comes form above. James 1:17

I am thankful to God for these two little gifts that I let basically do whatever they wanted today! :)

And I am thankful for this little bun! It was Adelyn's first time to be able to wear a bun to ballet and it was adorable!! (to say the least!)

For My Thoughts are Not Your Thoughts....

 Randoms: 1) Suzie the Elf has been very busy this week.

 

2) I had the Christmas Play date for our church at our house this past week. It was fun!

 3) Fancy Nancy's Splendiferous Christmas is our favorite book right now.

 4) We got to play outside this week! Yah!

 5) I can't wait for the girls to have their ballet performance in a few weeks.

 6) It has been a week for my soul!!

 7) I am reading Christine Caine's book UNDAUNTED and it is fabulous! So so good!