No Pain Ever Goes to Waste With God.

'Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.”  But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.'

Job 2:9-10

Job statement here is profound. He basically says, “I do not understand what the heck is going on but I know God has His reasons.” 

I thought about these verses and tried to find application today: If I love God only when He gives me good things, I'm not really loving God. I'm loving the good life He has given me. Loving God is believing the truth about Him and trusting Him even when my life's circumstances don't look good. 

In Job's case we see that one of the reasons God allowed Job's testing was to prove Job loved Him, in the good and the bad, in the times of abundance and in the times of loss.

Job said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and I will be taken naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord." 

Job 1:21

Another reason it seems God allowed this testing was that through it, Job displays the glory of God. His satisfaction and faith in God through unbearable pain and loss prove that God is what He claims to be. Oh how my heart desires to love God for who He is and not just what He gives me and how I long to glorify Him with my life.

I have been thinking on some of my deepest times of pain, remembering scripture was the only thing that seemed to soothe the pain. I'm not in a deep place of pain right now but I know those who are. I typically shy away from saying anything that could come across "trite" to those in pain but today my heart so badly wants to help in some way. So, I thought on what truth meant the most to me in my pain:

1) God loves you. He never overlooks or diminishes pain.

Psalm 56:8 says "God keeps track of all our sorrows. He collects all our tears in His bottle. Each one has been recorded in your book." When you feel like no one sees you, no one truly understands, everyone has forgotten you are hurting, remember God hasn't. I picture Him crying with those hurting, weeping with them, caring enough to take each tear and put it in a bottle.

2) He has a plan to use this pain.

Romans 8:28 makes the promise that "God will work all things together for the good of Him who love Him." This means even if the pain you are feeling is partially because of your sin, if you love Jesus, He will use it for good and for His glory. And if your pain feels pointless and your asking why? Even this pain He promises to use. No pain ever goes to waste with God. 

3) He promises to make you stronger through it, keep clinging to Him. 

On days I felt like I couldn't even move, on days when I felt like I took one step back and was frustrated with my progress; this verse brought me comfort. "After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to be His child, who wants to spend an eternity in heaven with you, will Himself complete you, making you what you ought to be, establish and ground you securely, and strengthen you and settle you." (1 Peter 5:10)



I know these truths do not take away one single ounce of pain. I know they don't..... but..... I pray today, these truths provide an once of comfort and hope in pain.  

Fully Committed

The Lord saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth and every inclination of the thoughts of the heart were evil all the time. And the Lord regretted that He had made man on the earth and it grieved Him at His heart. 

Genesis 6:5,6

The Lord regretted He made man. Now, that's a powerful statement. How sad. The same man that he had made in His image and that He said "was good." Man that had delighted His soul.

Adam and I watched the movie "Noah" the other night and it prompted me to go back and study the life of Noah again. I got to this verse this morning and just sat on it. My first thought being, "that's not me." My second thought being, "That could so be me." I know how wicked my heart can be and how fast it can get to a "bad" place.

I know the verses above are extreme circumstances but I still want to try to stay as far away from grieving God as I can. I want God to be ecstatic He made me. I want Him to be greatly pleased when looking at my life. How do I make sure this is the path I'm headed down instead of this wicked path? I believe today I can by the power of God's grace do three things that keep me headed toward the God is glad He made me place. I can:

1) Spend time with Him. 

Delighting in His presence, reading His word. Listening to Him, talking to Him, praising Him.

2) Repent often. 

When I find myself sinning, no matter how big or small in my eyes, repenting and ask God to forgive me.

3) Walk in Daily Obedience

Asking God to show me how He wants me to spend my time today. Taking one step at a time towards whatever He wants me to do, no matter how hard it may seem.

It says in 2 Chronicles 16:9, "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." I want to be in this category today, fully committed, fixing my gaze on Him.

Shameless

Shame can exist in two forms. Well-placed shame and misplaced shame.* Well-placed shame is a result of sin. It is good to feel shame for sin committed; it can draw us to genuine repentance. Misplaced shame is shame thrown onto a person who doesn't deserve to feel shameful. Either type of shame can be paralyzing.

Unfortunately, I have experienced both well-placed shame and misplaced shame. I have written here that I experienced a dark season of sin when my second child was just born. It was a selfish season. It was a season full of depression and disbelief that God could see me and knew my situation.  I jumped into sin that to this day I sometimes feel shame over. The issue with this shame now is that I have repented; God has forgiven me; I have done my best to make peace with all involved. Therefore, if I allow myself to think on this shame instead of the truth that I am free, I will become paralyzed. I will convince myself that God cannot use me because of my sin. (BTW, When did this ever happen in the bible? Moses? nope. David? Nope. Rahab? Nope.)

Being a victim of sexual abuse, I have also suffered misplaced shame. Feelings of wanting to stay in my house and never ever come out again. Or just simply crying out to God asking Him why in the world He made me to sing on a stage in front of lots of people when people looking has at times made me feel unbearable shame which too is paralyzing.

I don't want to live in shame. Either kind. I don't want to live paralyzed, not able (or willing) to move toward God's will for my life.

I WANT TO LIVE FREE. 

This is why, Galatians 5:1 has such a special place in my heart. "For Freedom Christ has Set us Free."

I can live free.

I can "forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead." I can fix my mind on what is true, right, noble. (No one really cares that much about me, every one is thinking about themselves anyway. :) )

I lead a song this past week at church called "Lamb of God" by Vertical Church Band and it's all about the gospel of Christ but the part of the song that grabbed me this week was:

"My name upon Your heart.
My shame upon your shoulders.
The power of sin undone
The cross for my salvation"

And another song, "The Stand" by Hillsong has similar lyrics:

"You stood before my failure,
You carried the Cross for my shame,
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders,
My soul now to stand.

So what can I say? What can I do? But offer this heart Oh God, completely to You."


Christ died for me and for my shame, whether because of my own sin or someone else's. He took it; I don't have to live with it. He doesn't want me to.

He died for me to be Free, 
for me to be Shameless.


May I by Christ's power in me, live like it.

"Lamb of God" by Meredith Andrews

"The Stand" by Hillsong

"Battling the Unbelief of Misplaced Shame" by John Piper *

My Only Hope is in You

I have become captivated by this song by Hillsong. Partly because the lyrics ring true in my heart. Also, because this group of girls and me are memorizing scripture together and these were my verses from last time:


Psalm 39:4-7

4 “Show me, Lord, my life’s end
    and the number of my days;
    let me know how fleeting my life is.
5 You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
    the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Everyone is but a breath,
    even those who seem secure.

“Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom;
    in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth
    without knowing whose it will finally be.

7 And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? 
My only hope is in you.

Don't you just love how God or the Holy Spirit impresses the same message a variety of ways on our hearts. My heart tends to try to find so many other things to cling to, so many ways to wander but my God loves me too much to let me leave. He continually draws my heart to Him.

This song: Anchor by Hillsong is amazingly powerful. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to lead it this week.

ANCHOR


I have this hope
As an anchor for my soul
Through every storm
I will hold to You

With endless love
All my fear is swept away
In everything
I will trust in You


There is hope in the promise of the cross
You gave everything to save the world You love
And this hope is an anchor for my soul
Our God will stand
Unshakeable


Unchanging One
You who was and is to come
Your promise sure
You will not let go


Your Name is higher
Your Name is greater
All my hope is in You

Your word unfailing
Your promise unshaken
All my hope is in You

{I will put the link to the service below when it is ready :) }
Here is a link to this week's worship:
The Orchard Fellowship  4/19/15

Christ is All

John Piper always grabs my attention. Why? I believe he preaches sincerely with a unequalled passion for God's word. It is truly God and His word that speak to me but John Piper is God's means of communicating to me in ways sometimes I feel like no one else can.

This morning I listened to one of Piper's sermons. It was on the verses above and some others. I have always been captivated by these verses. I have longed to have a heart like this but sometimes the practical application is hard for me to find. John Piper gave it to me today.

What does, "everything I have gained I now consider loss" mean practically for the Christian:

John Piper says it means four things:

1. It means that whenever I am called upon to choose between anything in this world and Christ, I choose Christ.
2. It means that I will deal with the things of this world in ways that draw me nearer to Christ so that I gain more of Christ and enjoy more of him by the way I use the world.
3. It means that I will always deal with the things of this world in ways that show that they are not my treasure, but rather show that Christ is my treasure.
4. It means that if I lose any or all the things this world can offer, I will not lose my joy or my treasure or my life, because Christ is all.

 “I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” 

Christ is all and all else is loss."

As I examined my heart this morning. I found places that I desperately need Him to come into. I thought back to times when I have chosen Christ over this world and how satisfied I truly felt in Him.  And I realized that being home, inside my "comfort zone" challenges me even more than being away in terms of my relationship with Christ. I have to constantly fight myself to choose Christ since times aren't quite as desperate. 

Some say, the harder headed you are, the more times you have to learn the same lesson. I hate to say it but I am pretty hard headed. I wonder sometimes if all of the heart ache I have been through has been because God could not teach me certain lessons otherwise. Regardless, looking back, I see those years of absolute desperation a gift. They were His ways of teaching me to treasure Him above all else.

I hate to say it but my heart sways a little more now.  Times are "lighter" and I rely on myself more than I should. Sometimes I treasure my free time or shopping more than I treasure Christ. But, the interesting thing about all of that is that I am never satisfied in those places. God continues to draw me back to Himself. Even in my faithlessness; He is continually faithful to show Himself to me, to grab my attention, to show me my need for Him. What a good God. 

Today I want these 4 applications from Phil 3 to be my prayer: 

1) Oh God, whenever I have to make a decision between you and the world, help me Father to choose you. 

2) God please help me to use the things of this world to draw me closer to you not make me farther away from you. Make my heart sensitive to things things and to you.

3) Father, satisfy my soul, making nothing else compare to knowing you.

4) Thank you for being all. Help me to see life through this lens. Desiring you above all else. 

Thank you Father that I know because these prayers are your will, you are working to answer them in my life. 

Amen. 

{John Piper's sermon}

Heaven

Heaven. It seems so mysterious here on earth doesn't it? However, one thing we know about heaven is that there will be singing. Who knows what the singing will really be like. I cannot even imagine. It will probably be perfect in every way.

Songs that make me dream of what heaven will be like, always grab my heart. There have been a few over the past few years that have had this effect on me.

It's something about how they speak of God. How the worship, the lyrics are all about how awesome, worthy, holy, and powerful He is. 

These songs draw me to the throne of God.

I picture myself singing at the top of my lungs, hands raised high to Him who knows every part of my soul and loves me anyway. Sometimes, I picture myself face planted on the ground, unable to get up because I'm overwhelmed and in awe and sometimes I just want to (and do) burst into tears because of the overwhelming gratitude spilling from of my soul for all He has done for me.

"Grace So Glorious" by Elevation Worship is the song that 'has me' right now. The lyrics go like this:

"Beneath the cross of Jesus Christ
No shadow remains for shame to hide
Redemption shone for all to see
Perfection bore our penalty
With a grace so glorious

Immortal day the veil was torn
When mercy donned a crown of thorns
As law gave way to liberty
And freedom for humanity
With a grace so glorious.

Oh, the glory of the Savior's love
Surrounding our surrender
To know forever we are welcomed home

Crowned in glory to glory
Worthy is the Lord
Of all the glory forever
Holy is the Lord

Triumphant praises without end

All hailing the King of righteousness

And every eye beholds the One

Our hearts were undeserving of

With a grace so glorious

Oh, the glory of the Savior's love

Surrounding our surrender

To know forever we are welcomed home

Crowned in glory to glory

Worthy is the Lord

Of all the glory forever

Holy is the Lord

O wondrous day when I will see

The face of Him who ransomed me

I'll fall in worship at His feet

And rise to reign eternally

In a grace so glorious

Oh, in a grace so glorious"

I'm extremely thankful for this glorious grace that I am truly undeserved of and that one day I will stand, or fall before the Lord and be able to sing at least some semblance of this song. "Oh what a wondrous day when I will see, the face of Him who ransomed me."

Listen to Grace so Glorious 

The story behind the song.

Other songs that remind me of heaven:

Revelation Song by Kari Jobe

Holy by Matt Redman

Grumbly Spirit

This week I have been convicted, saddened over my spirit of grumbling. I might not complain to others much but I can definitely do my fair sure of complaining to Adam about this and that and sometimes everything under the sun. It's sin. Grumbling and complaining and I cannot imagine how much my attitude must hurt the heart of God. I think about my own children for example, and when they complain it not only hurts my heart but makes me angry because I see the big picture; I see that I am doing every possible thing I can for them with their best interest at heart.

I decided to look up some scripture about the topic of grumbling and complaining and I found this passage in 1 Corinthians 10:

For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers and sisters, that our ancestors were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea. 2 They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea. 3 They all ate the same spiritual food4 and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ. 5 Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them; their bodies were scattered in the wilderness.

6 Now these things occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did. 7 Do not be idolaters, as some of them were; as it is written: “The people sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in revelry.” 8 We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did—and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died.9 We should not test Christ, as some of them did—and were killed by snakes. 10 And do not grumble, as some of them did—and were killed by the destroying angel.

11 These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us,on whom the culmination of the ages has come. 12 So, if you think you are standing firm,be careful that you don’t fall! 13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

The Israelites were delivered from Egypt, from slavery. God's presence was in the midst of them. He gave them everything they needed. However God says He was NOT pleased with them and the scripture gives four examples. They were perpetual idolaters, they committed sexual sin, they tested Christ, and they were grumblers....

In the past, I would say, I don't do those things! Or, how could they do those things after seeing God part the red sea for crying out loud?! But, now I know better. My flesh regularly wants to return to idols; it wants to test Christ and grumble. Oh and if grumbling is in this list of why God was not pleased with the Israelites and therefore didn't let them enter the promise land, I think it is safe to say, God takes a grumbling and complaining spirit seriously.

One thought I had in my processing of my grumbly spirit was the verse "For out of the overflow or the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45) Again, I used to think this meant what I "took to heart" matters but now I realize heart is interchangeable with mind and therefore every single thing I look at, read, spend doing is mounting up as that abundance. If I spend way too much time watching tv and hanging out on Instgram my spirit shows that abundance. I am more prone to discontentment, judgement and a sharp tongue. If I choose to read, study, meditate on God's word and  read spiritually encouraging books, If i choose to spend time with friends that are soul benefiting, my abundance is things of the Spirit and it shows in my attitude, heart, and words.

Oh my heart desperately wants to please Him, to choose through the power of His Spirit a heart solely focused on Him instead of a heart of idolatry. I want to be pure, pure in every way shape and form. Pure in heart so I can see God. (Matt 5) I want a heart whose first instinct is to trust instead of question God. desire to live a life of trust and faith in Christ no matter what today looks like, no matter if I am in the heart of the wilderness wandering around or entering my promise land. And oh how I want my complaining grumbly spirit gone. I want to live in the joy, thankfulness and grateful spirit that I know pleases the Lord and is contagious pointing people to the giver of all good things. (James 1) Help me Lord.

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"My Hope and Stay"

Blessed (happy, to be envied, and spiritually prosperous—with life-joy and satisfaction in God’s favor and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions) are the poor in spirit (the humble, who rate themselves insignificant), for theirs is the kingdom of heaven! 
Matthew 5:3

Poor in Spirit describes someone who is spiritually helpless, someone in desperate need of God. It's an absolute confession that I am nothing and can do nothing apart from Christ. 

This verse, the first beatitude, keeps bringing to mind the song "Lord I Need You." 

It says, 
"Lord, I come, I confess

Bowing here, I find my rest
Without You, I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You
Oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense
My righteousness
Oh, God how I need You

Where sin runs deep
Your grace is more
Where grace is found, is where You are
Where You are, Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You
Oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense
My righteousness
Oh, God how I need You

Teach my song
To rise to you
When temptation comes my way,
When I cannot stand
I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay"

{LORD I NEED YOU lyrics by Matt Maher}

{My favorite version right now can be found HERE.}

No matter what is going on, on good days when life couldn't be better and on bad days when things look bleak and everything seems to be going wrong may I still remember my desperate need for God. I can only be filled with Him when I acknowledge my need for Him when I am poor in spirit. 

It's absolutely the opposite from what I want to believe. I want to believe I can do it; I have everything under control and that I have no need. But, in my soul, I know better.....

He is my rest, the one who guides my heart, my defense, my righteousness, my grace, my freedom, my hope and my stay. Thank you Jesus. 

Photo credit

"Free and Unfrettered, Careless in the Care of God"

If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Matthew 6 (Message)

Hoard. Fuss. Worry. I do not want these words to describe the way I live my day to day life yet so many times they do. I convince myself I "need" one more new outfit. I fuss at everyone around me because I'm in a bad mood. I fret about Adam's next month commission check.

When I choose to live this way, I am constantly saying to God, my family and the world that I do not trust Him, that He is not enough for me, and that He cannot provide for us, emotionally or monetarily. 

The message version of the bible provides help for this type of thinking and living. It says in verse 33, "Steep your life in God reality, God initiative, and God provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday concerns are met."

God brought to my heart four prayers to pray today from this verse:

1) God help me soak my thought life in God reality or truth, what's real and true to you God, train my brain to rely on Your word over social media. God help me to see where I am believing lies. Shine your light into the dark places of my heart.

2) God help me to soak my thought life in God initiative-thinking. Help me not to be self serving but others focused today. Guide me in how I am to spend my time today. 

3) God help me to soak my thoughts in what You have already provided for me and supplied for me. God give me the spirit of contentment and thankfulness that I know you want for me to have. 

4) Thank you God. I know when I obey your word you fill me full with your Spirit. And in part, the petty things that bother me, don't seem quite as overwhelming or important. 

I'm so thankful for the truth of His word. He is good and His promises prove true. He is always there, a constant help when I reach out to Him.

^"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

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Escape

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and ESCAPE the world’s corruption caused by human desires. 2 Peter 1:3-4

Yesterday was a pretty crummy day. I absolutely love the Christmas season. I adore holidays and special occasions and live for parties but yesterday it all seemed too overwhelming. And I caved. I lived most of the day stressed to the max . By the end of yesterday, everything had gone wrong and absolutely nothing I tried to accomplish was completed. I acted like an ungrateful, selfish person. I took all my frustration out on Adam who was actually trying to help me . 

None of my acting like this actually helps anything ever. I just end up feeling guilty and awful and like I wasted time and opportunity. 

BUT, this morning I woke up to read the verses above and I felt a sense of hope. First of all, His mercies are new for me this morning! Praise the Lord! Secondly, He has given me all I need to make better choices today by His grace and divine power flowing through my life. He has given me His word so that I can choose to put my mind on truth and avoid sin and its consequences. 

I'm thankful for His never ending grace. I'm thankful for His truth and do overs! I'm thankful He is always looking for the best in me and not focusing on my flaws. What a God! 

It is because of the Lord’s mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:5-6

Photo credit: http://sincerelysarad.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Fruit-of-the-Spirit3.jpg