WARNING: LONG POST WITH SOME RAMBLING......
I have been thinking about posting all morning but I couldn't decide because although what I deal with on a daily basis is definitely a trial for me, it in no way compares to the trials that some are facing today. It is easy sometimes to wallow in self pity and then again it is easy sometimes to think of what others are going through and to think I am being somewhat silly for thinking I am going through something so hard.
Sometimes I feel like I don't post about things that are really going on in my life for fear that I might be judged. I fear that people will think I am making a big deal out of nothing or that people think I should only post about good things going on in my life instead of the hard times. I know I want to remember the good things and the happy times and memories but what is life if it does not bring us some trials as well. I guess I just feel as though life cannot have real depth without really hard times. I have posted this several times but being a mom has taught me so much about judging people; it is really easy to look at someone and think they are wrong or crazy but seriously, until you are there, you don't know what you would do. I don't know if I am making any sense but I know that I feel an urge to write today and it doesn't really matter what people think, I'm just going to do it.
I post all the time about how Adelyn just doesn't sleep. Today is day 4 of waking up after a night of getting virtually no sleep. It is hard. It is so hard. I know I am not the only one whose 7 month old does not hardly ever sleep. I know that she is getting some teeth and that makes it hard. I also know that she and Annabelle have colds and so it is uncomfortable for her to sleep but I also know that after hours and hours of crying in the night and then waking up to a 22 month old that is ready to start the day and needs every ounce of my attention that sometimes it is just too much to handle.
The thought just came to my mind of all the people that say, "You make having 2 so close together look so easy." Let me first say, I have NO IDEA why they say that. Maybe it is because I always post fun cute pictures online but this post proves; it is no easy. Very worth it, yes, easy no.
Anyway, back to the point, no sleeping night after night wears on you, you know. I know every mom who has brought a newborn home form the hospital knows what I mean. Now imagine doing that for 7 months non stop. If someone was to tell me 4 years ago or even 2 that I could function on this much sleep and with a toddler I would laugh and say, "You've got the wrong person for that job" but I know that God has placed me in this position to be the mother of these two girls and that He is allowing me to go through this trial and will not let it happen for any longer than it has to.
After Adam and I's first year of marriage, I realized that a lot of times I tell him something so seriously and the reason I am telling him is really to tell myself something. This might sound crazy but it is soooo true. For example, I might say, Adam WE have been spending way to much money going out to eat these days; we have got to stop; we need to stay on budget. Most of the time, I am telling him this because I feel guilty about going out to eat and I am telling myslef out loud to stop and he is just the one I am bouncing the comment off of. So, all that to say, I am going to post some verses about trials and things I have learned and the reason I am doing this is because I really need them in my life today and this is my sounding board to bounce all these truths off of. So here goes...
The other day in biblestudy Beth Moore said one of the coolest (for lack of a better word) things. She was talking about how people always say, "God won't give you more than you can handle." I always think that is a little bit annoying, don't you? Well, anyway, she said that God never said that. The verse (1 Corinthians 10:13) says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability..." He does not say He will not give you more than you can handle, He actually does and says the opposite. Paul, one of the most devoted believers in history says he was faced with hardships far beyond what he could endure. He says in 2 Corinthians 1:8, "For we do not want you to be ignornat, brothers , of the affliction we expereinced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we depsaired of life itself." He was so overwhelmed with his hardships that he wanted to die. God gives us more than we can handle so we will depend on Him. This is His nature. He uses these things to make us "mature and well developed and not lacking in any way" This sounds so churchy so I am trying to think about it in Ashley terms, God allows us to go through trials so that He can develop true faith in Him, the faith that shines through our life for others to see and the kind that produces a complete dependancy on Him so that everyday we have to need Him to survive.
I just loved that Beth Moore pointed this out in these verses. So, it is not as if some people are stronger than others and so they have bigger trials. God is going to let big trials happen to strengthen us but it is not as if He is only going to give you trials he knows you can handle. He actually knows you can't handle them and that you will have to learn to depend on Him and this is why He lets them happen.
I know my trial is not permanent. I just have to remember that God knows and He cares and it is here to teach me something and so I MUST remain teachable. I am also a big believer that sometimes God gives us trials so we can comfort others who will go through a similar situation. I know that had I not had a misscarriage I could not have related to a lady I met in the airport this past weekend so maybe these sleeping issues will one day open the door to talk to someone about Christ. Who knows but I hope so.
"For our light and momentary troubles are acheiveing for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." 2 Corinthians 4:17
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5 comments:
Ashley, I am so so sorry you haven't been able to sleep for 7 months!!! I cannot even imagine going that long without sleeping all night long. I will be praying for you!!!
i love you sweet friend. i can honestly say that i think of you ALL the time. probably b/c our lives are SO similar. and although Jovie does sleep well at night, 95% of the time. i understand what it means to have 2 kids, 15 months apart. there are some days that i can just barely make it through. i rarely get days or time to myself. i mean like once every few months. i can't imagine being up all night every night. i wish so badly that you lived closer to me. i would come over and let you nap!
i am praying for you. all the time. i miss you. lets talk again soon.
Unbelievable post. Thank you for this valuable spiritual truth. More people need to hear this.
My first two girls are thirteen months apart and the second one never slept. She was sick until she was one and she was up hours and hours crying every night. My husband never realized how truly tired I was until one day when I drove the wrong direction on a route that I drive all the time and then ran over a curb. He made me pull over and let him drive and then made me rest and sleep the rest of the weekend while he took care of the kids. It was so great because secretly I had been dreaming about checking myself into the hospital for exhaustion. But now they're older and the second one that never slept is now impossible to wake up! So you'll make it through and God will be with you at the times that you think you won't because He is a good God.
I have three kids (5,4, and just turning 1). They are all girls and I love it! The only male in this house is my husband and a dog. ha! We live in Houston which is miserable this time of year but great in the fact that we don't really have to mess with cold weather that much.
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