Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Shame can exist in two forms. Well-placed shame and misplaced shame.* Well-placed shame is a result of sin. It is good to feel shame for sin committed; it can draw us to genuine repentance. Misplaced shame is shame thrown onto a person who doesn't deserve to feel shameful. Either type of shame can be paralyzing.
Unfortunately, I have experienced both well-placed shame and misplaced shame. I have written here that I experienced a dark season of sin when my second child was just born. It was a selfish season. It was a season full of depression and disbelief that God could see me and knew my situation. I jumped into sin that to this day I sometimes feel shame over. The issue with this shame now is that I have repented; God has forgiven me; I have done my best to make peace with all involved. Therefore, if I allow myself to think on this shame instead of the truth that I am free, I will become paralyzed. I will convince myself that God cannot use me because of my sin. (BTW, When did this ever happen in the bible? Moses? nope. David? Nope. Rahab? Nope.)
Being a victim of sexual abuse, I have also suffered misplaced shame. Feelings of wanting to stay in my house and never ever come out again. Or just simply crying out to God asking Him why in the world He made me to sing on a stage in front of lots of people when people looking has at times made me feel unbearable shame which too is paralyzing.
I don't want to live in shame. Either kind. I don't want to live paralyzed, not able (or willing) to move toward God's will for my life.
I WANT TO LIVE FREE.
This is why, Galatians 5:1 has such a special place in my heart. "For Freedom Christ has Set us Free."
I can live free.
I can "forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead." I can fix my mind on what is true, right, noble. (No one really cares that much about me, every one is thinking about themselves anyway. :) )
I lead a song this past week at church called "Lamb of God" by Vertical Church Band and it's all about the gospel of Christ but the part of the song that grabbed me this week was:
"My name upon Your heart.
My shame upon your shoulders.
The power of sin undone
The cross for my salvation"
And another song, "The Stand" by Hillsong has similar lyrics:
"You stood before my failure,
You carried the Cross for my shame,
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders,
My soul now to stand.
So what can I say? What can I do? But offer this heart Oh God, completely to You."
Christ died for me and for my shame, whether because of my own sin or someone else's. He took it; I don't have to live with it. He doesn't want me to.
He died for me to be Free,
for me to be Shameless.
May I by Christ's power in me, live like it.
"Lamb of God" by Meredith Andrews
"The Stand" by Hillsong
"Battling the Unbelief of Misplaced Shame" by John Piper *