He wanted me to not only be able to talk about forgiveness and what it looked like, how pretty it was, and what the bible says about it. He wanted me to have to experience, to give away that deep down, ‘only with God kind’ of forgiveness. The type of forgiveness the family members of the church shooting in South Carolina gave to the man who murdered their loved ones.
I quickly learned during my time in Ohio that forgiveness was not an emotion. It was an act of the will. It involved me begging God, through His spirit, to help me release someone from a debt I thought they owed me, and eventually emotions of forgiveness would usually follow.
I remember waking up and praying “Help me God to have new mercies for _____ today , just like I know you have for me today.” This became my go to prayer when it came to forgiveness. I would pray it every single day, sometimes multiple times a day when I literally wanted to give up on certain people and though those hard hard days, God taught me that for me forgiveness is a process.
See, Forgiveness isn’t a fake happy. It’s not a hurry up and say the words, “I forgive you.” Forgiveness isn’t an ignore the problem, thinking it will go away, and in the process pretend to like the person who hurt you type of thing. Forgiveness as stated above, is a process; it takes time; it takes God’s power and utter dependance on Him.