Monday, July 14, 2014

On turning 30....

This decade has been full. By webster definition the word full means: 1)containing or holding as much or as many as possible; having no empty space and 2) not lacking or omitting anything; complete. These definitions encompass exactly what I mean when I say, my twenties have been "full." Full of people, babies, each other, moves, ministry, change, all kinds of blessings and trials. I cannot imagine my twenties containing anything else! 

I married Adam at barley 22. We had our first baby Annabelle at 24 and now we have Adelyn and sweet Abraham. Marriage and kids, have been the two hardest transitions and yet the most rewarding as well. I have learned through marriage how selfish I really am and how much baggage I really had before I got married. I am incredibly blessed to be married to Adam, who loves and serves me daily. Had I known at 22 he was going to be such an amazing husband and dad I would have been absolutely blown away. In having the girls and Abe, I have found love I didn’t even know I was capable of, a love deep and rich that brings overwhelming joy, tons of laughs and fun.

My twenties have also been filled with indescribable heartache, loss of babies, loss of friendships, loss of dignity, loss of our house, loss. I have made some extremely poor choices, or worse than that absolutely idiotic choices. Choices that if I had seen the consequences of would have never even thought twice about. I would say at this point in life, the heartache has equalled the happiness if not at this point surpassed it. But all of this heartache, my sins, others sins, unexplainable tragedies have all brought about in this decade one very important thing for me... desperateness for more of my God. I realize that I cannot make it one single second without Him and His continual grace for me, in marriage, in parenting, in all He has called me to and just in life in general. 

In this decade, God has given me much and God has taken from me much. He has taken from me but in return has given me so much of Himself that the losses are starting not to feel like losses anymore. They are beginning to feel like ways God has used to break me of things I could never have been broken of otherwise; they feel like ways He has given me to relate to others in their hurt, ways He has shown me that He truly is enough, and they feel like a great big giant sign that says, “I can turn anything around for your good and my glory.” 

They say that your twenties are a decade of self discovery. Oh boy has it been that, I realize how much I don't know ha! but also the last half of the decade has been a period of discovering and longing for Jesus. Realizing He does love me with a jealous and passionate love and that “he won’t relent until he has it all’’ because he loves me that much. This decade has brought me to a place where I realize that His word is everything. It absolutely does heal, heal hurt and harmful thought patterns. His word has become life to me and this decade has proved the promises of His word true.

A few verses come to mind in thinking about the last decade:

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.I will say[ to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,    my God, in whom I trust.”...“Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;15 When he calls to me, I will answer him;    I will be with him in trouble;    I will rescue him and honor him.16 With long life I will satisfy him

    I will protect him, because he knows my name and show him my salvation.” Psalm 91 

And we know that ALL THINGS work together for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

You are good, and what you do is good Psalm 119:68
As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. Genesis 50:20 

This is my comfort in my affliction,
But this I call to mind,
    and therefore I have hope:
22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.”
25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
    to the soul who seeks him.
26 It is good that one should wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.
27 It is good for a man that he bear
    the yoke in his youth.
28 Let him sit alone in silence
    when it is laid on him;
29 let him put his mouth in the dust—
    there may yet be hope;
30 let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,
    and let him be filled with insults.
31 For the Lord will not
    cast off forever,
32 but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
    according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
33 for he does not afflict from his heart
    or grieve the children of men.

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
    he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
    and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,
    and the day of vengeance of our God;
    to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
    to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
    the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
    the planting of the Lordthat he may be glorified.
They shall build up the ancient ruins;
    they shall raise up the former devastations;
they shall repair the ruined cities,

    the devastations of many generations.
Isaiah 61

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10

That my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever! Psalm 30:12

I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. Job 42:5

 ...forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,... I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward. Phil 3

His word also says,  I am the Lord, your Holy One, the Creator of Israel, your King.The Lord says, Who makes a way through the sea and a path through the mighty waters? Do not [earnestly] remember the former things; neither consider the things of old…. I am doing a new thing! I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:16-19 or as the message says it:
"Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?"

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Colossians 3:1-4
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:4-6

I'm very thankful for all of the many blessings the Lord has given me in these thirty years. What a good "full" its has been. What can I say except: 
That my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever! Psalm 30:12


Anonymous said...

Hooray for 30! I've commented before, but will you pray for me to know The Lord and delight in him? Thanks.

Renae said...

Yay, for 30!! I am 30, and can so relate to this post. Lets all just pray for each other. I have delight knowing that I will make better choices in my 30's having learned from my 20's.