I married Adam at barley 22. We had our first baby Annabelle at 24 and now we have Adelyn and sweet Abraham. Marriage and kids, have been the two hardest transitions and yet the most rewarding as well. I have learned through marriage how selfish I really am and how much baggage I really had before I got married. I am incredibly blessed to be married to Adam, who loves and serves me daily. Had I known at 22 he was going to be such an amazing husband and dad I would have been absolutely blown away. In having the girls and Abe, I have found love I didn’t even know I was capable of, a love deep and rich that brings overwhelming joy, tons of laughs and fun.
My twenties have also been filled with indescribable heartache, loss of babies, loss of friendships, loss of dignity, loss of our house, loss. I have made some extremely poor choices, or worse than that absolutely idiotic choices. Choices that if I had seen the consequences of would have never even thought twice about. I would say at this point in life, the heartache has equalled the happiness if not at this point surpassed it. But all of this heartache, my sins, others sins, unexplainable tragedies have all brought about in this decade one very important thing for me... desperateness for more of my God. I realize that I cannot make it one single second without Him and His continual grace for me, in marriage, in parenting, in all He has called me to and just in life in general.
In this decade, God has given me much and God has taken from me much. He has taken from me but in return has given me so much of Himself that the losses are starting not to feel like losses anymore. They are beginning to feel like ways God has used to break me of things I could never have been broken of otherwise; they feel like ways He has given me to relate to others in their hurt, ways He has shown me that He truly is enough, and they feel like a great big giant sign that says, “I can turn anything around for your good and my glory.”
They say that your twenties are a decade of self discovery. Oh boy has it been that, I realize how much I don't know ha! but also the last half of the decade has been a period of discovering and longing for Jesus. Realizing He does love me with a jealous and passionate love and that “he won’t relent until he has it all’’ because he loves me that much. This decade has brought me to a place where I realize that His word is everything. It absolutely does heal, heal hurt and harmful thought patterns. His word has become life to me and this decade has proved the promises of His word true.
A few verses come to mind in thinking about the last decade: