Well, it's been a while. Honestly, I wrote out this extremely long post on our way home for Thanksgiving and BlogPress deleted it, so I just took it that I was not supposed to write that particular post and moved on with life and enjoyed time with family and the crazy chaos.
Honestly, I've been debating as I often do whether to even keep my blog open to the public. The longer I have the blog the more I realize that the reason I want it is for memories sake. It is not as if I can write every feeling I have on here, it's just too public and if it were private I still wouldn't write all of my thoughts out on a blog. I guess I have just heard so many people say lately how social media things make them feel jealous or left out. I don't have that particular struggle (not that I couldn't or am above it in any way or will never have that struggle) but I feel for those who do.
When I ran into family members this weekend that said, "Oh your girls looks so cute on facebook, they are always dressed so cute." I immediately told them that the reason they think that is because I get to decided when I want to take pictures and 99% of the time it is when everyone is dressed and something fun is going on. I assure you, this is not our life for most of the time. Those are just the memories I want to capture and stay with me. I think everyone is much the same way, even if you don't particularly want to document or you don't enjoy taking pictures like I do.
I guess my point is that as Christians one of our goals aside from trying to become like Christ (which is our primary goal) is to be authentic and transparent. Should we be transparent, as in spilling our guts to everyone? No way, that would mean that everyone would know way too much about every detail in our lives and that could even be a stumbling block to some. You know what I mean right? I guess more than transparent, I desire to be authentic. This was a term my sister in law said so many times in our conversations this past week and it is sticking with me. I want to be authentic. I looked up authentic in webster and the definition said: true to one's own personality, spirit, or character.
This morning was pretty much a disaster. It was one of those mornings in which I disciplined for the same thing about 20 times. We were in a rush to get Ab to school. Everyone was tired and has somewhat of a cold and I cannot figure out in my mind if I am being too hard on Ab because I know she is tired or if I should just keep on keeping on expecting things from her. I got angry and yelled (which disgusts me about myself), Annabelle cried and cried and when she left I just felt guilty and yucky. I knew I had messed up and I hated myself for it. When all of the sudden, I get the stark realization that this is all the more why I need my Savior. These days, sin just whirls me right back around, from guilt to realizing that I cannot live a single second of the day without leaning on my Savior's strength. He doesn't want excuses. He wants me to rely on Him, to stop focusing on what I didn't do and just strive to love Him and depend on Him all the more.
This blog was never ever meant for me to portray a "perfect life." I doubt anyone has thought that, but just in case, I wanted to get that out there. I am a human and I struggle with so so so many things. I love to post on here what God is teaching me, in hopes that someone can relate and it can be an encouragement to someone. That's all. I know blogging and all social media can seem so narcissistic at times, but it doesn't have to be. My goal in it all is not to "over spiritualize" life but if we are all honest with ourselves and God, we would have to say that everything in life is spiritual and everything in some way involves Him, I mean does it not say that "He goes before all things and through Him all things coexist." Col 1 something. The goal of this blog is to document the things God has given me to enjoy in this life and always always point to Him.
The part I want to remember about this morning:
Annabelle looked like a doll. Anita, my sweet step-mom, took me and Annabelle shopping and got us some new clothes and Annabelle had on all of her new clothes today. So, instead of remembering the bad of this morning, here is my precious little girl looking cute almost ready for school.
If you made it through all of these random thoughts I hope you have a great day!!