Wednesday, August 20, 2008

How can I say Thank You

I am so overwhelmed today with all the Lord has given and provided. I regret that I have not written on this blog in such a long time. I wish I would have kept up with it a little bit over the past few months. I know that for a while, when I found out that I was pregnant, I was scared to write because I thought if I wrote I was pregnant and excited on here that somehow it would "jinx" it. I know better than that and I know that the Lord is in control I simply went through another time in my life of learning to trust the Lord in a different way and I am thankful for it.

I am so thankful that the Lord has provided Adam and I with a sweet little baby girl that now lives in my tummy. If you would have told me that the Lord would have allowed me to get pregnant days after the surgery I wrote about I would have thought it was impossible. Doctors however disagree. See the Lord had already provided me with little Annabelle when I was still mourning the other baby and recovering from the surgery. Doctors say I conceived the first week of January and the surgery was December 21. I really was not even supposed to be ovulating again yet. So, I say, thank you Lord! Thank you for doing what seems to us like it is impossible. Annabelle Joy Fisher, God willing, will forever be our little miracle! Even through all the hard times of being pregnant I know my heart has always truly been overwhelmed with gratitude for how the Lord has blessed us in this way.

I have six weeks left today and I am so excited to get to meet this sweet baby. I cannot wait to see what the Lord does through her life. I pray for a safe and healthy delivery for Annabelle and myself and that I will be able to be the mother that God would have me to be. This task seems far too much without the thought of God working through me every single second of every day so I pray I allow Him to do so in my life.

Another area of my life that I am extremely thankful for is being about to sing at church in the contemporary worship service. I absolutely love the experience and it is truly a gift that at one time in my life I thought I was never going to use again. If you are reading this, you probably already know my testimony; it is because of my testimony and the background in music that I felt as if I would never have this opportunity again. I'll explain a little bit. I have always loved music and loved to sing. My mom said that the first words out of my mouth were not words but singing. She said that I had not really began to talk yet and all of the sudden she looked back (I was in the backseat of the car in my car seat) and that I was singing, "Ole McDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o." I grew up singing in church and when I as in middle school my parents decided to put me in voice lessons. I know that this was a sacrifice for them and I am sincerely appreciative. I took voice lessons from Mr. Tommy Gaines until I went to college. I went to school at Briarcrest Christian High School and was involved in everything musical I could be involved with. I was in choir and the musicals and would try out for all-west and all-state. I loved it all so when it came time to decide what I was going to major in at college it was simple: Music! I had to go and try out for a scholarship at Ouachita Baptist University where I was going to attend and I received the best scholarship they could give so I felt as if the Lord was for sure leading in this direction. Now, you have to know my heart in all of this. I am not saying any of this to brag, I know I am not the best singer and I know that some people probably don't even prefer my voice. I do not think that everyone loves how I sing and that is totally ok with me. I am simply telling this story to give glory to God for what He has done in my life.

Anyway, so I go to Ouachita and the music program is extremely challenging. I struggle through my first semester very very discouraged. I felt as if my voice teacher there hated my voice and that I was one of many decent singers struggling to make it in the program. You see, I did not even realize it before but somehow I had gotten the idea that I was something special in high school. It was a small private school and so being good at something meant you stood out. Satan had used this in my life to get me really prideful and I had not even really realized it until I was in this situation where I felt like I was nothing. It was devastating. I came home for Christmas after my first semester and told my parents that I was quitting music. They were very hesitant to let me do so but they did let me do it. I felt like at this point I would never really get a chance to sing again. My confidence was completely shot. I sang a little bit at random things like pageants and in church every now an then but the love for it was just not there. I felt like I had lost a part of me.

After my junior year in high school, I started dating Adam. I'm sure everyone reading this knows that Adam is a very talented musician. Not only does he sing but he can play the guitar, both acoustic and electric, the drums, the piano and I'm sure anything else you put in his hands. This was extremely intimidating to me at first. I knew how much I used to love music and how much my heart really did want to use the gift God had given me but I was convinced it would never happen. Little by little, Adam asked me to sing with him and then he got a job at First Baptist Church in Olive Branch Mississippi. I remember having a conversation with Adam about how he was hired to lead a contemporary service on Sunday nights and he wanted me to sing with him and it was really hard for me to decide what to do. I knew that if I went in to the church singing that everyone would know that I did that and then it would somehow be a part of my life again. I was scared and very unconfident but I decided to try it.

It has been over 2 years now that we have been serving at this church and I cannot believe all the Lord has done through me since we have been there. He has changed my life in so many way, way too many to even write about. At the beginning of August we started a contemporary service in the morning for worship and I was given the opportunity to sing in the praise band. I feel as if the Lord has restored this broken part of my life. For a long time I felt like since I had been so prideful this is why the Lord had taken away the opportunity to sing to Him and in a way I still feel like this is true. I can say now, with a humble heart, that I am so thankful for the Lord for allowing me to use my voice to praise Him again! I love having the opportunity. I pray that the Lord always keeps me humble before Him and that every single time I sing I mean what I am singing from the bottom of my heart, singing to Him and not for myself or anyone else.

Thank you Jesus! Really, how can I say thank you enough!

2 comments:

Tiffany Dawn said...

Ashley, I just randomly found your blog today and it was a blessing to me. I know you wrote it FOREVER ago... before you became a mommy and got to see the fulfillment of your blessing!

I just wanted to tell you, I completely COMPLETELY understand everything you said about the music stuff! We have very similar stories. I love how God works to restore the broken places in ways better than we could ever imagine or hope for.

Thanks for sharing this!!

Tiffany Hines

Cara said...

What an amazing testimony and I love/appreciate the way you write with such honesty!